A few weeks back I received an e-mail inviting me to an inter-department lunch. Normally I would eagerly accept a free lunch invitation. However, I was hesitant about this one for a few reasons.
#1. I rarely work with this department (Most would say it's because I never do any work).
#2. It was scheduled on (Wendy's) Wednesday (One of my favorite days of the week).
#3. I was personally invited by the department head (Who happens to be one of my sworn enemies).
#4. It is public knowledge that one member of this department (Helga) is in love with me (she harasses me every day).
After a couple days of internal debate I decided that despite the above, I would be getting free Italian food. So, how bad could it be?
Getting to the Restaurant
Well it started off pretty good. On the car ride there, me and two of my colleagues listened to some BSB, NSYNC, Destiny's Child & SClub 7. I was hoping for some Celine Dion as well, but I didn't want to get too greedy.
However, this happiness was short lived. We were about five minutes away from the restaurant, when my colleague (known for her extreme road rage & truck driver language) cut off some lady and almost killed us. I was scared for my life. My colleague only seemed concerned with cursing out the other driver. She was adamant that it was the other lady's fault. I strongly disagree.
Unfortunate Seating Arrangements
Anyway, we ended up making it to the restaurant in one piece. I wanted to sit at the opposite end of the table from Helga, but my sworn enemy arranged the seating of his team so I was forced to sit next to her. Everyone felt bad for me including the neighboring restaurant guests, the waitresses and even the restaurant owner. I asked if I could sit at a separate table by myself, but unfortunately they couldn't accommodate my request.
I begrudgingly sat down and took one of the small paper menus. Instead of interacting with my other colleagues (which would likely help bridge the gap between our departments) I decided it would be a good idea to ignore them all and make a paper airplane out of the menu. The colleagues sitting next to me were talking about Maroon & Burgundy being Fall colors or something...
Though I didn't say it out loud, I thought of a very specific quote that one of my other colleagues often says. (Perfect for this situation.)
"What do I care?"
Paper Airplane
Blocking out the conversation, I was able to focus on folding the Menu up to make my plane. When I was finished I asked the nicest colleague there to rate my airplane on a scale of one to ten (ten being best). I eagerly awaited her response as she is a very positive & complimentary person.
Nice Colleague: "That is the worst airplane I have ever seen."
Me: (I had no comment as her rating dropped my self-esteem so low, it rendered me speechless.)
I remained saddened until the waitress brought over some free appetizers and plates.
Soda Incident
I proactively picked up the plates and started passing them out to my colleagues. In doing so, I accidentally knocked over my glass of soda. The soda spilled all over the table, but luckily not one drop spilled on me!
I took a handful of napkins and started cleaning up the table only to find out that my colleague was not so lucky. I turned to my right to find that soda got all over Helga's shirt and even her hair!
She immediately started complaining and yelling at me. Ignoring her cries, I just continued cleaning the table and we all just laughed and laughed and laughed. What a fun lunch!
Honorary Member
Next, as the honorary member of the lunch I was asked to talk about one thing that no one knew about me. I mentioned that Helga stalks me so she already knows everything about my life.
Some Background Info: I came out of a Pizza Hut one night and Helga was standing there in the parking lot taking pictures of me.
Anyway, for the other department members (who don't stalk me) I spoke about my amazing garden and my potential future life as a farmer.
The D
After the conversation, one of my co-workers mentioned to the group that I had also started a blog.
Colleague #1: "It's called Simply Survive on Blog spot."
Colleague #2: "Simply Survived dot blogspot dot com? "
Me: "No, just Simply Survive dot blogspot dot com. I wanted the D, but someone else had it."
Colleagues with sick minds immediately burst out in laughter.
After the inappropriate behavior, our food came. I ate my Chicken Parmesan sandwich and fries and I drank the remaining soda I had left. It was pretty good... maybe 7 out of 10.
Conclusion
In closing, I made sure to thank the department for inviting me to their team lunch. After my great performance during lunch, I asked the team what percentage chance I had of getting a job in their department.
Department Manager: "20%"
Me: "Not bad!" (It is much lower when I ask accounting for a job.)
It was then time to drive back to work. Unfortunately for me, Helga was the one driving me back and apparently she was still upset about the whole soda incident.
Department Manager (To his subordinate Helga): "Drive CAREFULLY"
Helga: "I'm gonna drive off-road and kill us all!"
Me: "Oh, god"
There were some ups and downs throughout this lunch, but all in all it was a great experience! I am happy to have lived to tell this story. Hopefully, I will be invited back next time.
#1. I rarely work with this department (Most would say it's because I never do any work).
#2. It was scheduled on (Wendy's) Wednesday (One of my favorite days of the week).
#3. I was personally invited by the department head (Who happens to be one of my sworn enemies).
#4. It is public knowledge that one member of this department (Helga) is in love with me (she harasses me every day).
After a couple days of internal debate I decided that despite the above, I would be getting free Italian food. So, how bad could it be?
Getting to the Restaurant
Well it started off pretty good. On the car ride there, me and two of my colleagues listened to some BSB, NSYNC, Destiny's Child & SClub 7. I was hoping for some Celine Dion as well, but I didn't want to get too greedy.
However, this happiness was short lived. We were about five minutes away from the restaurant, when my colleague (known for her extreme road rage & truck driver language) cut off some lady and almost killed us. I was scared for my life. My colleague only seemed concerned with cursing out the other driver. She was adamant that it was the other lady's fault. I strongly disagree.
Unfortunate Seating Arrangements
Anyway, we ended up making it to the restaurant in one piece. I wanted to sit at the opposite end of the table from Helga, but my sworn enemy arranged the seating of his team so I was forced to sit next to her. Everyone felt bad for me including the neighboring restaurant guests, the waitresses and even the restaurant owner. I asked if I could sit at a separate table by myself, but unfortunately they couldn't accommodate my request. I begrudgingly sat down and took one of the small paper menus. Instead of interacting with my other colleagues (which would likely help bridge the gap between our departments) I decided it would be a good idea to ignore them all and make a paper airplane out of the menu. The colleagues sitting next to me were talking about Maroon & Burgundy being Fall colors or something...
Though I didn't say it out loud, I thought of a very specific quote that one of my other colleagues often says. (Perfect for this situation.)
"What do I care?"
Paper Airplane
Blocking out the conversation, I was able to focus on folding the Menu up to make my plane. When I was finished I asked the nicest colleague there to rate my airplane on a scale of one to ten (ten being best). I eagerly awaited her response as she is a very positive & complimentary person.
Nice Colleague: "That is the worst airplane I have ever seen."
Me: (I had no comment as her rating dropped my self-esteem so low, it rendered me speechless.)
I remained saddened until the waitress brought over some free appetizers and plates.
Soda Incident
I proactively picked up the plates and started passing them out to my colleagues. In doing so, I accidentally knocked over my glass of soda. The soda spilled all over the table, but luckily not one drop spilled on me!
I took a handful of napkins and started cleaning up the table only to find out that my colleague was not so lucky. I turned to my right to find that soda got all over Helga's shirt and even her hair!
She immediately started complaining and yelling at me. Ignoring her cries, I just continued cleaning the table and we all just laughed and laughed and laughed. What a fun lunch!
Honorary Member
Next, as the honorary member of the lunch I was asked to talk about one thing that no one knew about me. I mentioned that Helga stalks me so she already knows everything about my life.
Some Background Info: I came out of a Pizza Hut one night and Helga was standing there in the parking lot taking pictures of me.
Anyway, for the other department members (who don't stalk me) I spoke about my amazing garden and my potential future life as a farmer.
The D
After the conversation, one of my co-workers mentioned to the group that I had also started a blog.
Colleague #1: "It's called Simply Survive on Blog spot."
Colleague #2: "Simply Survived dot blogspot dot com? "
Me: "No, just Simply Survive dot blogspot dot com. I wanted the D, but someone else had it."
Colleagues with sick minds immediately burst out in laughter.
After the inappropriate behavior, our food came. I ate my Chicken Parmesan sandwich and fries and I drank the remaining soda I had left. It was pretty good... maybe 7 out of 10.
Conclusion
In closing, I made sure to thank the department for inviting me to their team lunch. After my great performance during lunch, I asked the team what percentage chance I had of getting a job in their department.
Department Manager: "20%"
Me: "Not bad!" (It is much lower when I ask accounting for a job.)
It was then time to drive back to work. Unfortunately for me, Helga was the one driving me back and apparently she was still upset about the whole soda incident.
Department Manager (To his subordinate Helga): "Drive CAREFULLY"
Helga: "I'm gonna drive off-road and kill us all!"
Me: "Oh, god"
There were some ups and downs throughout this lunch, but all in all it was a great experience! I am happy to have lived to tell this story. Hopefully, I will be invited back next time.
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