Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Benny R.'s Job Interview

Shocking News
I was recently informed that over the past couple of months, Benny R. got engaged and then MARRIED his BFF Oscar.

I was surprised about this for a few reasons:

#1. I didn't hear about an engagement party or any type of wedding.
#2. Both dogs are still very young.
#3. I didn't realize that Benny R. & Oscar were much more than friends. 
#4. Everything happened so fast.

However, I guess when your talking in terms of dog years (one human year = seven dog years), everything in life happens more quickly. Even so, I still think that seven years old is a little too young to get married.

Although unlike Benny R., I am no prodigy.

Being that Benny R. is now married, his owner told me that he must now look for a job in order to support his new husband.


Again, I believe there are child labor laws that prevent this, but when you're a dog I guess these rules don't apply?

Anyway I thought, if he could learn to jump on the couch and drink a gallon of water all in one day, working at an office job would be a breeze. So after just a few more minutes of internal debate, I agreed to interview him.  

The Interview
His owner told me that he would be coming into the office for an interview at 5PM (It was 4PM at that time). Despite the extremely short notice we scheduled the meeting for 5PM.


Around 4:50PM I was called by Customer Care to let me know that my interviewee had arrived. 

At this point I was optimistic that Benny R. understood the importance of making a good first impression. "Early is on time and on-time is late."

I eagerly headed on over to the interview room to meet him. Unfortunately, I was not as impressed with his choice of office attire.

Normally, business professionals come in for interviews wearing a suit and tie. Depending on the type of job, sometimes even just a shirt and tie would be considered acceptable. However I walked into the room and immediately noticed that Benny R. wasn't wearing anything at all!


I didn't know if it was a joke or what, but I was not very pleased.

Despite this, I remained professional (ignoring his unacceptable attire or lack thereof) and continued on with the interview.

How is your commute?
Short. I learned that Benny R. actually ran three miles to the interview.

Tell me a little about yourself.
- Benny R. can eat a pound of ground beef in one sitting.
- Benny R. does not have rain boots. A rain jacket was given to him, but it doesn't fit.

Strengths
- Favorite program is Powerpoint.

Weaknesses
- Least favorite Program is Microsoft Word (He can't type).

Fun Fact
- Benny R. likes commercials with dogs (He barks at the TV).


References
After the interview, I decided to contact a couple references to get the real scoop on Benny R. Here is the information I received:

Reference #1: Benny R. is smart/intelligent. He can handle anything and is very flexible. He's one of a kind.

Reference #2: Benny R. is cute, lovable & soft.

Although possibly very biased, these opinions were factored into my ultimate decision.

My Final Evaluation
Overall I believe that Benny R. has many great qualities and skills that would make him a good candidate for this position.


Some of these abilities include but are not limited to the following:

Strengths
 
#1. Possessing the rare talent of eating a pound of ground beef in one sitting.
#2. The ability to solve difficult math problems all in his head. (100% accuracy)
#3. He's cute and soft.
#4. He has the eagerness and willingness to growl at and bite his fellow co-workers.

Now while Benny R. obviously has skills that can help add value to our team, there were some things that I simply could not overlook.

Weaknesses:


#1. Benny R. cannot type on the computer, so he has difficulty using Excel and Word (He barks at others to do it for him. That is actually kind of rude.)
#2. He does not have rain boots. Running to work 3 miles per day barefoot will lead to muddy paw prints in the office. I like the dedication, just not the mess.
#3. Benny R. came completely naked to the interview. (Definitely not appropriate in an office setting)
#4. When the interview was over I thanked him. He growled at me...

Final Decision
Unfortunately, I do not feel that Benny R. would be best fit for this role. However, with his love of Powerpoint, his strong sense of creativity and his free spirit I feel that Benny R. would be best suited for either a job in Marketing or Graphic Design. I would suggest that he come in for a second interview.


Prediction: In 2016, Benny R. & Oscar will adopt a puppy.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Sleeping Like a Baby

Sleep safe and soundly 100% of the time with WalMart's new warm & cozy Pepperoni Pizza PJs! All ages can now enjoy the comfort of being encased in pizza all night long.
Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!

Monday, November 2, 2015

NYC Magic Carpet Ride

Aladdin lives among us...

Sunday, November 1, 2015

2,000 Pageviews Milestone & October Survey Results

Somehow this site has already reached 2,000 total pageviews. The main purpose of this site was originally to document all the craziness that happens to me on a daily basis (despite the fact that I rarely leave my house). However, it seems that many people enjoy these stories (especially when I'm harassed and/or threatened).










Fun Fact (For Gamers): The total number of October pageviews was 1,337 (For those who don't know, 1,337 refers to the term "leet" also known as eleet or leetspeak, is an alternative alphabet for the English language that is used primarily on the Internet - Wikipedia)

 
 


Three Most Popular Posts (All Time) 
In reviewing all posts so far, the three most popular ones were as follows:

#1. The Dog Party (Benny R.'s First Birthday) - 132 Pageviews
#2. My Dating Profile (30 Questions) - 43 Pageviews
#3. Speeding Ticket Thursday - 40 Pageviews

October Survey (Results are in)
Before I post the survey results, I have to note the fact that Benny R. Adventures only had one or two votes around the middle of October. In addition, this poll was set up to block repeat voters (by blocking each IP address after the vote has been placed). This is to prevent any one person from voting 1,000 times on a single option. Voters still had the option of selecting multiple categories.

Despite this, Benny R. Adventures shot up from one to two votes all the way up to 35, in only a day!!! I believe it was October 27th. I'm still unsure as to how this happened, but the poll is now closed and the results are as follows:

Reviewing the Results
#1. Benny R. Adventures - 35 Total Votes (72% of voters) 
I believe that the Benny R. Adventures vote was somehow rigged. Although I have no proof, I believe that Benny R.'s owner was somehow involved. Paranoia.

#2. Colleague Quotes & When I'm Harassed or Threatened - 12 Total Votes (25% of voters)
Being that I am verbally abused every single day, I was definitely not surprised to see people voted for more "When I am harassed and/or threatened" posts (It's safe to assume that all 12 votes came from my co-workers).
 
#3. Pretty Much Everything Else - 3 Total Votes (2% of voters)
Despite the poll results, I've been getting a lot of positive feedback on my vegetables, especially on the "little cucumber". Fast food and farming posts will continue!!!!


If anyone has a good Survey idea for the month of November please let me know in the comments below.

Note: Only APPROPRIATE comments are welcome (You know who you are). Thank you.

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